Friday, May 20, 2016

Chill University

Hey, we’re totally stoked that you’ve showed an interest in attending the prestigious Chill University. Here is some basic information to help you in your decision.


Our sorta’ manicured lawns are perfect for kicking the hacky sack around with your bros. Fruit trees provide cool shade and even cooler snacks. All walkways are made of soft, heat-resistant foam, in case you don’t feel like wearing shoes.


We don’t really have Majors or Minors here. That stuff can get way too stressful. Just choose whatever classes sound the sweetest. Even if you feel like taking a different class every day, that’s cool with us. Our courses start at 12 pm sharp-ish and last until whenever you feel like going home. The carpeted rooms are all furnished with suede beanbag chairs that seriously feel like clouds. If you want to take one home, go for it. I mean, I did. 

Lighting in all rooms is set to chill for maximum relaxation. Of course, no classes require heavy books to carry around, and there’s never any homework. Just come in, take it easy, and watch a PowerPoint presentation or a Youtube video or something.

And, hey, if you don’t really feel like attending Chill University, that’s cool, too.

Course List

Intro to Cool Stuff
Maxin’ and Relaxin’ 101
Like, How Do Numbers Work?
Algebro II
Midday Nap
Conflict Resolution (AKA: Chillax, Yo)
Elements of Procrastination
Trashketball and Other Sports
The Art of Couch Sleeping
Microwave Culinary Arts
One-Step Cooking
Spray Cheese: The Ultimate Food
Leaning Back in Chairs
Socks with Sandals
When to Finally Wash Clothes
Public Sleeping
Knowing When to Procrastinate (Always)
Urban Longboarding
Living in Vans (Not the Shoes, Cuz They're Like Way Too Small for That, Unless You're Some Kind of Teeny Tiny Smurf Person, Which Would be CRAAAAZY)